Eat your heart out

Three To-Die-For Thanksgiving Recipes

by Sebastian Jaramillo

Now is the most stressful time we have, and will probably ever, go through in our lives. COVID-19 remains ever-present in our lives, and the outcome of the election remains to be decided legally by the courts. But at the end of this dark tunnel (also known as 2020), shines a bright light … Thanksgiving break. Sweet, sweet victory awaits when you blow off that Tuesday class and instead head to Trader Joe’s, Star Market, Whole Foods or your preferred gluttony provider of choice.

I have been sent by the Turkey and Mashed Potato gods to provide you with three recipes that will make you forget about all those pesky historical events you have been through this year.

  1. Sweet Potato Casserole

Or how I like to call it: The sweet bliss of sugary induced amnesia

First, soften 4 tablespoons of unsalted butter (or 8, if you’re feelin’ it)

Then, 4 large sweet potatoes, peeled and cubed.

½ cup milk; ¼ cup brown sugar, packed; 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract; ½ tablespoon kosher salt; 2 large eggs.

Now for the fun part: Toppings

You must have: ½ cup all-purpose flour; ½ cup brown sugar, packed; 4 (or again, 8, 10, 12?) tablespoons of unsalted butter, melted; ¼ tablespoon kosher salt; ¾ cup chopped pecans.

  1. Gravy

This one is my absolute favorites and if you don’t like it then I’m sorry, but you are a villain. Ingredients include:

2 tablespoons unsalted butter (you know you want to add more); 1 medium onion or leak; neck and giblets from your turkey; 8 cups low sodium chicken broth; 3 sprigs thyme, parsley, rosemary or sage; 1 bay leaf.

And for the beautiful gravy itself:

Turkey drippings from your roasting pan; ½ cup all-purpose flour; dash of Worcestershire sauce; Kosher salt and freshly ground pepper; 2 tablespoons cold flavored butter.

  1. Parker House Rolls

Last, but definitely not least. This is a simple one, but it is scientifically guaranteed to shut up your annoying politically incensed uncle for the whole night.

1 ½ cups of milk; 1 stick unsalted butter, cut into pieces, plus some more brushes; ½ sugar; 1 package active dry yeast; ½ cup warm water; 3 large eggs, lightly beaten; 1 ½ teaspoons salt; 6 cups all-purpose flower.

Okay, fellow turkey and mashed potato worshippers—I have blessed you with my knowledge, and now I trust you to handle it with care and to rightly indulge.