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Is dating a man embarrassing, or is hating your boyfriend embarrassing?

By Alejandra Jimenez

Sexuality is a personal journey that should be untouched by other's perceptions. Yet, at times, it exists solely for social media scrutiny.

Bisexual women are not exempt from this type of performance; instead, they have begun to endorse the notion that dating men is embarrassing. Performative feminism seems to require a sort of hate speech for men. Therefore, this demand forces bisexual women to slander their boyfriends to adhere to social conventions.

Where does this pressure come from?

Men, specifically cisgender White men, have always been on the top of the social hierarchy. As women, it is inevitable to feel the power cis men possess. Societally, they are well respected, listened to, and questioned minimally. Therefore, there is an ease in mocking cis men when the facets of life are so easily granted to them.

Although all cis men are not inherently "bad", the social practices of misogyny are ingrained in their worldview — a reality nearly impossible to escape. This reality, especially in recent years, is beginning to be questioned by women, with the hopes of minimizing the chokehold of toxic masculinity.

Have we gone too far?

In short, my opinion is no. A powerful release exists in questioning the position of cis men. In my lifetime, I have heard various men mock and ridicule people of color, queer people, disabled people, and cis women. There is an obvious justification in questioning and disliking this disgusting behavior.

With more thought on the question and premise of the article itself, I say yes, specifically in the context of bisexual women and their hate speech towards men, which is quite dangerous. To fully explain this connection, we must first define bisexuality. Bisexuality is "romantic attraction, sexual attraction, or sexual behavior towards males and females, or to more than one gender."

As many debate whether bisexuality is restricted to the binary genders, we must also acknowledge that cis men are a part of the sphere of attraction for a bisexual women. Regardless, many bisexual women choose to partake in romantic and sexual relationships with cis men. There should, in theory, be nothing punishable about this attraction, yet, social media tells us otherwise.

The problem lies with bisexual women's hatred of their partners. Today, there is an uncomfortability with having a boyfriend as a bisexual woman. Although I understand the difficulty of dating cis men and comprehending his social advantages, the hate speech regarding someone's boyfriend only hurts the LGBTQIA+ community. Statements such as, "It's so embarrassing that I am dating a man," invalidates the premise of bisexuality entirely.

Attraction is innate, so there should be no unsettling feelings regarding the person you are attracted to or are in love with. This only propels shame for bisexual women who have boyfriends, and creates a sort of "rehearsed hate speech" when speaking about him.

Not only does this question the foundations of bisexuality itself, but it also discredits the relationship between a bisexual woman and a cis man. In my personal experience of dating both cis women and men, I would hate to feel that my relationships with cis men were automatically looked down upon.

I would loathe the pressure to minimize and mock my relationship solely because of social pressure and reputation, and in turn, the pain it would cause my partner as well. Relationships are built on respect, communication, and commitment. Although this hate speech may be justified in a bisexual women's mind, there is also an expectation to respect your partner.

At the end of the day, he did not choose to be a cis man, but you did choose to date him. Therefore, it is possible to exist in two realities. The first reality involves fully acknowledging the power cis men have, and the second reality is the love you share for your boyfriend.

The comments surrounding your embarrassment are contradictory, even if you gain another hundred likes on your Tik Tok. What are you really saying?


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