The Art of Not Taking It Personally

Learning to let go… 

By Khushi Mirpuri

Graphic by Melissa Lemieux

It’s easy to get caught up in a moment and act irrationally. But what happens if we learn to notice our feelings and process them– before letting them out? 

As I have grown further and further into adulthood, I’ve realized I don’t have to take everything so seriously. The best thing I can do for myself is let go of hurtful interpretations I put on myself based on other’s actions that I can’t control. 

Not taking things personally is a powerful form of emotional self-care that helps us stay grounded and resilient. 

Why is it so easy to take what others do personally? We often merge someone else’s behavior or opinion with our own sense of identity. For example, we might assume a comment is about us, when in reality, it simply reflects the other person’s feelings. As an article on Psychology Today explains, we have little control on how others perceive us, but we have control on how we view ourselves and respond. 

When I say ‘let go’ I am insinuating the development of emotional maturity. This does not mean suppressing or ignoring our feelings. Rather, it is accepting and acknowledging reality without judgment or resentment. As psychologists explain, the process of ‘letting go’ is releasing emotional attachments and accepting what cannot be changed. When we build self-awareness, we gain the ability to notice our triggers, pause and choose a response instead of reacting hastily.  

Steps to Not Take It So Seriously:  

1. Distinguish feelings from thoughts: Name what you feel and separate it from the interpretations your mind is making. 

2. Consider alternatives: You may not have the full story. The person you are speaking to may feel an array of emotions that you could be misunderstanding.  

3. Set healthy boundaries: Preserve your mental energy and self-worth by choosing your reaction. 

4. Practice acceptance and self-compassion: Accept that you cannot control others. Have more self-compassion– that will reduce the self-criticism. 

5. Focus on what you can control: Choose to pause, reflect and then respond. Reclaim your energy for your own emotional state. 

Letting go is hard, but everything happens for a reason. By mastering the art of not taking things personally, we give ourselves room to take in life events and learn from them gracefully. Rather than feeling anxious by actions we do not understand, we can accept or acknowledge, and move on.