The Truth Is, It’s Okay to Put Romance First

Protecting Friendships While Starting A New Relationship

By Samantha Rosenberg

Graphic by Melissa Lemieux

I am so over feeling guilty when I start a new relationship. It’s a feeling that comes when I first meet someone: I start to think about them, realize I like them and will want to talk to my friends about it. A lot. It’s a consuming feeling—part of me feels like I’m betraying my friends by liking someone else and wanting to spend so much time with them.

The beginning of a relationship is pure chaos in the best way; everything feels so light, exhilarating and unique. At the same time, it’s anxiety-inducing, unpredictable and overwhelming. It’s easy to get a little lost in the thick of it; all you want to do is examine each moment, pick it apart, try to make sense of it, all while expecting your friends to be as fascinated in your relationship as you are.

When you are in a new relationship, you want your friends to be there for you and leave you alone, all at your say-so. But as these words hit the paper, I realize how self-involved this sounds. Exactly what should we expect from ourselves in these times? It’s all about balancing—yourself, your friends and this new person in your life. Friends should not feel like they have to compete for your attention with a new romance. 

The time will come when your friends are diving into their own new relationships and you’ll have to think back to the moments when you felt the same whirlwind they feel. Listen when they need to vent about a conversation or blush over a perfect date, and remind them you’re just as excited for them as they were for you. 

Even when you may feel that their romance may be stealing a little of the spotlight, remember: it’s all about balance and support.

When you first start dating someone, it’s okay to prioritize that relationship. The early stages are all about learning each other—the quirks, comfort and connection. This doesn’t make you a bad friend, even if it may feel like it does. The key to keeping the guilt at bay is recognizing that you can’t take your friends for granted. 

They aren't just a safety net. They are the ones who were there for you before your relationship, and will always be there after.