To Make or Break a Friendship, That is the Question: Traveling with Friends

Not every spontaneous trip amongst friends ends in tragedy, but there are tell-tale signs it may.

By Isabella Licwinko

Photograph by Hannah Sender

Travel can solidify life-long friendships and create memories you never forget, yet it can also be a friendship’s doom. Although we would like to imagine that all of our friendships can survive the highs and lows of an excursion abroad, or even just the next state over, that isn’t always the case. 

As someone who has traveled and coinhabited with a variety of friends, I’ve seen the best and worst aspects of this typically fun—but occasionally miserable—experience.

Usually, the first “tell” of whether a friendship is going to survive travelling together comes in the very beginning—the planning stage. While booking a trip isn’t always easy, especially on a budget, it doesn’t have to be utterly nerve-wracking. 

In my experience, problems arise when the responsibilities of planning aren’t equally distributed. Whether that be booking the flights, organizing the Uber, or buying tickets for a concert at your destination, no one person should have the burden of completing all these tasks for everyone. This can rip the fun out of what’s supposed to be exhilarating, creating tensions amongst a group. My best piece of advice is this: split it up.

As a detail-oriented, overthinking traveler myself, it is easy to “take over” a trip, as well. This certainly can get on my friends’ nerves, and I’ve learned to take a step back. For example, before I went on a trip to Montréal with three of my girlfriends, I made a step-by-step, down-to-the-hour, itinerary and became anxious if we didn’t follow it. Eventually, we allowed the city to take us by the hands and guide us throughout the weekend, without regard for the itinerary (even if it helped us in the beginning). 

Recognizing that not everything needs to go according to your plan is just as important as others bearing equal plates of responsibility.

If tensions are already high before the trip begins, it might be a sign that this friendship wasn’t meant for crossing borders together. However, if you made it past the planning stage, there are still aspects of travel on the horizon that could reap bliss or trouble.

In the actual heat of the trip, various factors contribute to the overall “vibe” amongst the group you are travelling with, whether that be laid-back, fast-paced, chaotic, relaxing, or tense. This all depends on what kind of traveler you are, and that in itself can only be determined from experience. Although we’d all like to think we are one way or another, there is only one way to find out, as I’ve learned new things about myself through travel. Travel is an excellent method of self-discovery, but it also provides an unexpected means of revealing the true characters of your friends.

Even if you find that your friends are incredibly different travelers from you, it doesn’t mean you can’t book that spring break trip. What matters more is compatibility. For example, even if not everyone is an adrenaline junkie, you can still go bungee jumping because there’s always someone that needs to hold the bags. Likewise, I abhor driving, while my friends would much rather be behind the wheel.

Exploring abroad, or even just the next state over, presents tests that friendships may have never faced before. Whether they are invigorating, exciting, stressful or even dangerous, these developments bring out new sides of someone—for better or worse. Additionally, how much your friend values your friendship, and vice versa, is often revealed based on how they treat you in the heat of travel.

As disheartening as it sounds, not every friendship will make it past traveling together, or at least, there won’t be another trip. In my experience, a lot can be revealed about a friendship while traveling. Sometimes, the pressures of a trip can show your friends’ true colors. However, you can still maintain a valid friendship with someone who simply isn’t a compatible travel companion. 

By and large, traveling with people you trust, can laugh with and care about is what sets a trip apart from any normal spontaneous trip with friends. So what are you waiting for? Go book that flight!