If He Wanted To, He Would

This classic phrase was never really about dating

by Nia Mclean

The phrase "If he wanted to, he would" has taken social media by storm. It’s a quick, often blunt way of reminding women that if a man truly wants to be with them, he will make the effort to show it. If he doesn’t, the message is clear: move on. While it’s easy to see this phrase as just dating advice, I believe it carries a deeper meaning beyond romantic relationships. It’s about all kinds of relationships—choosing people who choose you and understanding that if someone cares, they’ll show it through their actions.

I learned this lesson firsthand during my freshman year when I tried to start a podcast. The idea had been in the works for weeks, and I was excited to bring it to life with the help of my friends. The first episode was, ironically, titled “If He Wanted To, He Would.” The plan was to unpack the phrase in the context of all our wild college dating stories, offering insights and laughs. But just minutes before we were set to record, my friends bailed on me. They had other plans, excuses, and reasons that, in hindsight, boiled down to one simple truth: if they wanted to, they would have.

This moment was a lightbulb moment for me. The phrase “If he wanted to, he would” wasn’t just about dating; it applied to friendships and even professional relationships. My friends’ last-minute ditch taught me that the people who truly want to show up for you will do just that. Whether it’s recording a podcast, attending an important event, or simply being there for you in times of need, people’s actions—or lack thereof—speak volumes.

This isn’t to say that friendships or relationships are perfect or without compromise. We all have busy schedules, obligations, and our own lives to manage. But if someone values you, they will find ways to show it, even in small, meaningful gestures. “If he wanted to, he would” is about recognizing that effort is a choice, and it's not limited to romantic partners. It’s about everyone in your life.

So, the next time you find yourself questioning someone’s actions or lack thereof, remember this: the people who care will always make the effort. It’s a lesson I learned the hard way, but one that’s shaped how I now approach relationships of all kinds.