The Fantasy of Starting Over

Why moving, rebranding, and ‘new era’ energy rarely fixes anything

By Lheyaa Mathivanan

Graphic by Katie King

Remember when you dyed your hair right after that breakup? Or when your wardrobe shifted from bold colors to clean neutrals because everyone else was doing it? Or when you got a septum piercing, a few impulsive tattoos, and quietly decided this was your new personality? Maybe you moved, deleted old photos, unfollowed people, started drinking matcha instead of coffee, and convinced yourself this version of you was the new you. 

After something cracked your life open, you didn’t talk about it – you curated around it – hoping that if the outside changed enough, the inside would eventually follow.

But what if nothing inside you actually changed? What if the same emotional patterns followed you through every haircut, move, and ‘new era’ declaration? We’re quick to rebrand the outside—the version of ourselves we present to the world, but slower to question what’s happening beneath it. Are we truly evolving, or just perfecting a more aesthetic way to avoid our problems?

You can look different and still love the same way. Still react the same way. Still running from the same discomfort. A new aesthetic doesn’t automatically mean a new mindset; physical change can quietly become a coping mechanism, one that feels productive while keeping the real work untouched. 

It’s easier to change how you’re seen than to sit with who you are when no one’s watching.

Because the truth is, you can reinvent yourself endlessly and still carry the same wounds. You can move cities, switch styles, adopt softer habits, and still be operating from the same fears, the same attachments, the same emotional reflexes. The cycle doesn’t break when your appearance changes. 

It breaks when your thinking does. 

Ask yourself: Beneath the edits and upgrades, is your heart any different? Or are you just wearing a new version of the same old self?

Ask yourself, honestly: Are you at peace when you’re still operating from your old emotional patterns? Does your heart still belong to the person you were before everything happened? Or have you actually healed enough for your mind and heart to move with the version of yourself you’re becoming? 

There’s no single right answer. Sometimes it’s both. 

Real change doesn’t start in your closet or your camera roll. It is defined by how you think, who you love, and what you no longer run from. 

You can stay the same person and still grow. You can change everything and still be yourself. What matters is that your heart and mindset lead the transformation, not chase it. 

When the inside shifts, the outside follows naturally –not as proof or performance, but as alignment. 

So, the next time life cracks you open, pause before the impulse makeover. Ask yourself: are you dyeing your hair red because you want to, or because you think it needs to prove something to the world? 

That answer will tell you everything.