We’re Growing Up—Are Our High School Relationships Following Us?

By Phoebe Stern

Graphic by Catarina Koehler

Whether this is your first year at BU or you're entering your last semester, we’re all in stages of growth and transition. That’s what college is all about, right? Expanding your worldview, meeting new people, exploring yourself, and the world around you. So, where does that leave our past relationships? 

Is it normal to feel like our high school friendships are maybe just that—high school friendships? Since coming to college, I’ve been able to filter who I want as close friends and who I want to surround myself with. My college friendships represent who I am and what I value now. I feel aligned with the people I spend every day with here, and recently I’ve started to feel the distance between my hometown friends and me. 

This distance, however, doesn’t mean I feel resentment or dislike toward my high school friends. We still have our group chat that’s active daily, and we still send each other Snapchat flashback memories. But some of them are no longer the first faces I think of when someone asks,  “Who are your best friends?” 

When I first started to realize this, I felt guilt, panic, and confusion. I asked myself: Am I being a bad friend? Is it my fault I don’t feel as close to them as I used to? What did I do wrong? I immediately adopted the narrative that I was in the wrong. But what if there is no wrong?

As I started to accept my feelings and talk about them with friends and family, I learned that a lot of people feel the same way, or have at one point. It’s okay to have friends for convenience; people you see because they’re around, and you have a good time together, but they aren’t necessarily your ride-or-die. Not every friend needs to be your best friend. 

So if you’re feeling like you’re moving on from some high school friendships and you start to question yourself as I did, know you’re not alone. This is normal, and it may just be a sign that we’re actually growing up.